Husband: Honey? I’m going to protect our marriage!
Wife: Gasp! Are you going to quit drinking and smoking then?
Wife: Are you going to stop seeing all those girls behind my back?
Wife: Are you going to stop going to that male hustler and dozens of female hookers?
Husband: That wasn’t me, that was my twin brother! But no!
Wife: Are you going to stop yelling and hitting our children?
Wife: Are you going to stop doing hard drugs?
Wife: Are you going to seek counseling?
Wife: Are you going to accept your son’s sexuality?
Husband: HELL NO!!!
Wife: Are you going to start managing your money so you can balance your budget and use the time and money to spend time with your wife and kids?
Wife: Are you going to stop ordering me around like I’m your maid and start doing your share of the responsibilities?
Husband: No, that’s a woman’s job!
Wife: Are you going to stop being an anti-Semite, racist, sexist, homophobic prick?
Wife: Then how are you going to protect the sanctity of marriage?
Husband: I’m going to ban Greg and Jonathan from ever getting married!
Wife: WHAT! They hadn’t done anything wrong! They never hit each other, they adopted two little children and cared much more for them than you did for your family, and they’ve been paying their taxes. They’ve been saving their money so they can all go to theme parks and zoos, and they’ve been a wonderful neighbor as well.
Husband: But they’re GAY!!
(The wife facepalms)