Saturday, April 7, 2012

my story about Arizona and why i hated it here.

My story about Arizona

And why I hated it here.

When I first move here, it was August 1996 or 1997. It was hot and I was so thirsty. My family had decided to move us here from Maryland, the state I liked, and they’ve thought Arizona would be a good place to live in. Of all 50 states they could have chosen, they chose the most miserable, hellish, foul state ever in the existence of mankind (In my most humble opinion). I could never understand why anyone would want to live there. After 15 years of living here, I STILL can’t understand why anyone would want to live here.

When we got to Arizona, we were in a campground living in a trailer temporarily. Sometime later, there was a monsoon and it was constantly tipping the trailer up several times, I thought we will die in Arizona. I was afraid and death was on my mind a lot. Not a very good impression for Arizona to give us; hellish heat and a deathly disaster that is the Monsoon. For some reason, I was the only person who loathes the state a lot, even from day one.

What could I do? I was just a 15 year old nobody, a loser, a loner, and an invisible child in a state that seem to have a problem with me. Several years later in Arizona, my brothers seem to enjoy their life, they got their wives, they got their kids, and they got good jobs and houses. I’m happy for them. That is not the problem. It is just that Arizona is not for me. I can never connect to this place, I never felt like I belong.

We were kicked out of the campground because we moved our trailer around so that the sun isn’t in my mom’s eyes because she needed her sleep. So we found another campground for the night and then we went and found a rental home. It was in Glendale and I had to share a room with my younger brother; who acts like he’s the older one and that I’m just a scum in his shoes.

He had a friend who was just a jerk as he was to me. Often times, he had tried to climb in through the window of my bedroom. Strange, he couldn’t just come to the front door, and he just doesn’t seem to have an inkling of respect for anyone.

We, us siblings, were ready for school. I was going to the school my older brother was going to. But unfortunately, sometime during that school I just felt out of place and not sure where my classes are, so I was put to a different school.

I was sent to a school that is a deaf school, I’m hearing impaired. But that school was just the worst school I’ve ever been to. The very first day I was there, some kid was an ass and tells me to get out of here. Days gone by and I was treated like a leper or something. I was miserable.

I would get a counselor who would listen to me, but often times, I just didn’t try to get out. I have no idea why didn’t I just try getting out of that school. I had no friends, I was teased and bullied.

One time I tried to have a birthday party and invite some kids, but none came. Days goes on when I have felt suicidal and depressed, it was too painful. Even just thinking about it was too painful.

My parents have decided to move and got us a house that is much further away and in the middle of nowhere. Quite literally, it is in the middle of nowhere. There was no store, there was no school, there was nothing but houses and farm fields. I could never understand it. I had to take two school buses to get to school, one who was from a different school that agreed to take me to the other bus, and the bus from my school.

I could not make friends here, I still had no friends in school, I was suffering from the heat still. The first bus that gets me from the house was a useless school bus. The bus Aide somehow forgets that she is supposed to drive us to school and tends to stop and chat with one of the passenger’s parents. They often arrive late, show up late to pick me up, show up too early and leave before I got ready.

The only happy things that have happened were the plays I’ve been in. they were short lived and the only really great play I’ve did was in a different school where the director was asking for a deaf kid for their play. The school chose me because of my performance in the last two plays. the cast and the crew were friendly and were awesome to be around with. It was sad that when the play is over, it was but a fleeting memory.

Only one student in my school had chosen to “befriend” me out of pity, but he was a stuck up kid who thinks everyone loves him and that he is the most important person. He was so full of himself. I have only been his friend for a couple of years until 2011 when I decided that he wasn’t a friend. My counselor had warned me not to be his friend because he’s not a good friend. She was so right.

By the senor year, I was working in a summer job as a produce clerk at an air force base, then a baker’s assistant, then I was folding boxes in Papa John’s pizza. I had my first apartment and I was roommates with my “friend” and it wasn’t long before we have to move out. He was very much a jerk, saying hurtful things to me and like a fool, I believed him.

Often times at my parents house, I was told to clean up the house. I had to clean it alone and no one will do their part. My brother thinks that he was the favorite and he never does a damn thing. He just comes and goes, eating all the food, destroying things. He used dad’s computer and I got yelled at thinking it was me. My brother stabbed the wooden cutting board and shredded it up and I got blamed for it.

Often times whenever there’s dinner, I was too late to have any. Often I felt like I was unwanted even at home. Sometimes they thought I wanted to be alone.

I was even more suicidal and I wanted to run away. I had a job working as a dishwasher in a middle school. Their cafeteria is a lot better than mine, it has more food to offer. Mine just gives measly little food that is either undercooked or overcooked. I couldn’t keep up the pace and my boss insults me by saying a mentally retarded person could do better than me. So I found a different job and left that rotten place.

I lived in an apartment with my eldest brother and his wife. I had a job in Walmart as a cart pusher. Apparently a cart pusher means pushover and that customers can treat me like shit. The air was hard to breathe and I was nearly run over several times. Often times there were no carts in the lot and the boss yells at me, “We need more carts!” There was none. Customers kept stealing them.

I had a job coach who was an asshole in every aspect; he talks down to me, he treats me like I’m stupid, he mocks me, he never listens to me, and he forced me to do things against my will.

I had gotten an apartment after leaving my eldest brother’s because they were moving far away to a house they’re buying. The apartment I had had roaches and it’s a dangerous complex. There were cops swarming all over the place a lot. T was scary. I had a next door neighbor who was divorced few times. He’s nice but he’s a little frightening; he has weapons all over the apartment. He lent me his throwing knife for protection. Though there was no threat on my life, I was grateful. I had to leave the apartment to the gated complex that is across the street. It was more beautiful and safer than the one I was in. The apartment was a little more expensive than the one I was in, but still affordable. I loved the apartment; it had free utility, it’s gated, it is closer to work, and it was bigger than the studio apartment in the last apartment.

I had my “friend” move in with me and he had a job with me as an assembler in Walmart. He was still an ass as he was before in our first apartment. He was unreliable and unhelpful.

I left the job and the apartment back to my parents. It was miserable going back, but I hated my job. I was changing my position from cart pusher to maintenance and I was treated like shit everyday by everyone, including my job coach. I kept getting complaints even when I wasn’t doing anything wrong. I’ve done my job, I was very busy, I can’t be all over the place, I couldn’t hear the intercom, and whenever an idiot slips from a spill, I was blamed. That is why I left.

I then found a job at Fry’s and I thought it was a little better because I was treated better, but the pay is bad, the hours varied every week, and no one else is hiring. I had decided to get an apartment close by because I had to ride my bike three miles in the blistering heat and suffer the heat waves daily.

The apartment was not cheap, so I had my parent’s offer a hundred to me to pay the rent fairly. The utility bill had to be paid and it was well over 300 in June. I was pissed off and devastated.

I was taking an apartment with my eldest sister, who had a kid and is a drug addict. Apparently things weren’t going so well. She had the thermostat up to ninety and I was suffocating in the hellish heat. I turned it down and stuck my head in the freezer. I couldn’t go outside because it’s just as equally hot out there. We had to move out and I was devastated. I was just so tired of being forced to leave the apartment so many times.

For three years I worked at Fry’s, I left it to work as a home health aide.

I was caring for the client my mom used to care for, he was loads older than me and he’s a pervert. He always likes to have nurses around him. He only agreed to have me help care for him was because his previous roommate was a drunkard. I didn’t work for long before my case manager decided to fire me for “not doing my job” which was a total bullshit because if I hadn’t done my job, he would have been dead months ago. I always fed him, I always gave him his meds, I always was there for him when he fell or when he needed me. I never even left the apartment!

I was forced to return to my parents house. I didn’t have a job for over a year. My parents have moved just to a different street from our last house, there is now more buildings, some houses and only one apartment that is way above the monthly income. The job I had was Fry’s again, but it’s the new one that is just around the corner. I worked then when it opened. Sadly, they have been giving me 4 hours per week which was insane and had to be illegal if it isn’t. That was just fucked up. I transferred my job and found the job further southeast from my new job. The hours were more but I had to get rides because I cannot walk there or ride a bike. I had my bike stolen. I even had my money stolen from the bank. I had taken the same apartment complex when I was with my eldest sister, but I had to share a room with a roommate who at first was good and we shared our meals and we played games. Then he broke up with his girlfriend and everything was a wreck. When they came back together, things were even worse than before. They pretend I don’t exist, they never shared food with me, they even had the futon covering the living room, blocking everything. It was a mess and they never cleaned up. When I tried to clean up, there weren’t any cleaning materials. They were the most useless roommates ever. I was forced back to my parents again.

I had a plan and I was expecting to transfer to a new place with fry’s with cheaper apartment with free utility. It didn’t work because the job was paying me 8 hours per week and my “friend” won’t help and my brother had a wife who was expecting a baby. So, I was nearly homeless and I was about to find a homeless shelter when my mom decided than she wants me back. Now I transferred back to my job close to home and back where I started; a single man, a man with no car, a man with no apartment, and a man who had everything stolen from him after all these years.

This is April 7, 2012. This time I am planning to carefully wave, learn the states and its cities and find some jobs there and apartments. I want to escape it and I want to no longer be single, no longer be working in a dead end job, no longer falling back to my parents’ house. This time, I will escape this place.

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