Tuesday, February 7, 2012

how to have a perfect family (Satire)

How to have a perfect family (Satire)

You need to have a man and a woman. They have to be Heterosexual, Caucasian, Christians, nothing else. Anything else will be lower than dirt. The two adults have to be proud of themselves, value themselves above all else.

The man has to love hunting, gathering, and farming. He has to be able to procreate. So be sure to check his junk to see if his balls are fertile. He has to be concerned with his masculinity, his reputation, his honor as a head of the house.

The woman has to be pure, silent, obedient, and not interested in anything but house work. She has to make babies with him, not be interested in anything but raising babies and cleaning house. She should not work, she should not see other men, she should not have a voice or an opinion.

She has to give him a son. The son has to be pampered, spoiled, and he better not be gay. He should be interested in manly things, not girly things or the father will have to whip him raw. If the mother gives a daughter first, she should be silent as the mother and pure as unmolested snow.

The second child will have to look up to the older sibling. If the second child is a daughter, she should love all girly things and not manly things.

The family needs to have a dog so it can protect the family, or be a hunting dog, or maybe a watch dog, or even a breeding dog.

A cat would be a nice addition to the family.

Now you have a perfect family, let’s have a perfect house.

Their house has to be either wealthy or middle class. It cannot be a working class, lest they’re imperfect. They need a two story house with a large attic, white picket fence, and a lawn ornament.

Now you have a perfect house, perfect family, but let’s move on with their social expectation and skills.

The father should have a high paying job to support the family. He should not work at some low-pay job like those minorities.

The mother should be remaining at the house, raising kids and cleaning. They can have slaves…. Eerr… servants like maids or butlers if they desire.

The school should be private, they should wear uniform and be a part of an elitist private school. The son should be playing sports and the daughter should be looking for an suitor to marry, where she will be submissive to him and give him lots and lots of babies.


Wait, what? Now we’re allowing interracial couples? Goodness no! That’ll ruin nation, family traditions, and traditional marriages! Oh damn it, fine!

Now you have a white, heterosexual, Christian with a Black Heterosexual Christian. Everything applies as previously stated.


What? Women gets authority and they get to have jobs and be able to vote? But that’ll ruin traditions! Oh fine.

The mothers have a choice whether they want to work at jobs, but they’ll be paid less than men.

Now, we shall have a new traditional family with new traditional marriage.

It is one man and one woman.

They both can choose to have jobs, have kids if they desire, it is fine if they can’t have kids or if they rather adopt, it is fine if they have one or many kids. The income doesn’t matter, they’re all equal. Do what you want.


WHAT!!! You are saying gay people want to get married and have kids too?! But that’ll ruin traditional marriage, family values, and nations!

Ok, fine.

A gay couple, bisexual couple, transgender couple, straight couple, and lesbian couple, regardless of their race, regardless of their faith, regardless whether they can procreate or not, whether they want kids or not, can get married and adopt kids or have surrogacy.

The decisions they choose on their own life is theirs to make and no one should stick their nose in their business. The child rearing is not strictly heterosexual as homosexual couples are just as capable of raising children as evidence has shown.

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