Tuesday, January 24, 2012

removing your marriage! Rated R: satire and sheer absurdity

Removing your marriage

(The purpose of this satire was to point out that opponents of gay marriage is so obessed with the idea of procreation and how important it is to them, i decide to have a little fun with them. I might make more of this just to ridicule the opponents for fun! Enjoy!)

“Dear Mr. and Mrs. Johnson,

It has come to my attention that you’ve been married together since June 14th 1964 and your four children are now grown up and are living their own life, we are removing your marriage license. You are no longer able to bear any more children and your children are already grown, we see no need for you anymore. Please proceed to give up all your beneficial rights and insurances. We hope you have a nice day.”

“Dear Mr. and Mrs. Bennett,

It has come to my attention that you have been married on the day Feburary 14, 2003, we notice that you have decided not to have children. Considering that we feel that children in marriage is important, we removed your marriage license. We regret to inform you that your marriage will not be renewed because you decided surely that you do not want children. Since you decide that your genitalia is your business and not ours, we feel offended and decided to place you under arrest.”

“Dear Mrs. Carol Berkley,

We are sorry for your loss of your husband Matthew Berkley, who served well in the Marine and was killed in Afghanistan, and are removing your marriage license. Your child(ren) will be removed and placed in foster care because we believe that children are best raised by a mother and a father. Considering that we do not approve of gay couples marrying to adopting, we feel that it would make us hypocrites to deny two men rights but allow single parents, we decided to exclude you from marriage as well. We are sorry for your loss, so have a nice evening.”

“Dear Mr. Eric Brown,

It has come to my attention that from your medical record, you are infertile. You’ve been married to Beverly on January 3rd 2011, but we are sorry to inform you that we cannot allow your marriage to continue and are removing your license. It is important to us that you and your wife bear children because it is so obviously very important to us and yes, your genitalia is our business. Your wife will no longer be allowed to remarry because according to the biblical verse, it is considered adultery to remarry to another person. If she tries to remarry, we will stone her to death.”

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